Articles We Love

Here are some don’t-miss articles we’ve uncovered, plus our thoughts on them. Additionally, here you’ll find the published articles written by PoSARC’s founder, Lili.

Great Betrayals (by Anna Fels, MD)
This brilliant article by psychiatrist Anna Fels, MD, explores how betrayals that are discovered or disclosed so often lead to the predicament of having to rewrite one’s entire personal narrative since the memory of one’s history no longer correlates to objective facts. Believing, sometimes for decades, that we were married to our best friend, someone who was protective of our well-being, was loyal and faithful, only to learn that the exact opposite is true….when we stop and ask ourselves the myriad questions that arise from that horrifying awareness, we would do well to read Dr. Fels’ wise rendering of this dilemma. 

I consider this essential reading for contemplation, bringing to the therapy or PoSA coaching hour, and to NAME our realities, finally.

Cyberporn: the crack cocaine of sexual addiction (by Antonella Gamotto-Burke)

Call girls (by Antonella Gamotto-Burke)

Licking the Bowl: The Sasha Grey interview (by Antonella Gamotto-Burke)
Antonella Gambotto-Burke is a critic, journalist and novelist whose writing I admire greatly. Her recent journalism has a humanitarian emphasis. Her article on the effects of cyberporn captures the very best description I’ve ever read of the erotic haze that using pornography brings on. It’s as if she can climb inside and describe a male’s experience of porn’s entrancing effects that for most women, remains a total mystery. If the “why” of your partner’s porn use/compulsion continues to confound you, read her article on cyberporn. 

And, trigger-alert: her interview with Sasha Grey (the pornography star) will likely be very activating. Yet, I thought to include it here as it elucidates much about the often self-initiated ruse that porn stars are happily well-adjusted and living an empowering lifestyle.

The Victims of Pornography (by Chris Hedges)

Ubiquitous assailant: The dangerous unasked questions surrounding pornography (by Sara Israelsen-Hartley)

Second-hand porn: the spreading circle of damage (by Sara Israelsen-Hartley)

Hope for recovery: Admitting there’s a problem and getting help (by Sara Israelsen-Hartley)

Trauma and recovery: 2 couples claw back from porn addiction (by Sara Israelsen-Hartley)

Porn & Pop Culture: A Deadly Combination (by Lexie Kite)
This website, created by two 26-year old twin sisters is worth a visit –and–this article articulates the whole beauty trap girls and women are lured into. Especially good educational site for teens/ young women who face enormous societal pressures to conform to impossible and unrealistic “ideals” of beauty.

Your Brain On Porn (by Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson)
This non-commercial website features the basics of brain science and how porn addiction “happens”. Simple to comprehend, (no small feat when discussing neuroscience), the youtube series of video clips was compiled and delivered by a science teacher in the most down-to-earth manner/ tone of voice. Makes me wish everyone got him as their science teacher back in the 6th grade! Also helpful are his reminders that shame and guilt only exacerbate and amplify the “charge” to the brain when viewing porn. This sends a note of caution since many/ most porn users do feel guilty when viewing it. Elsewhere, the teacher asserts that porn-viewing males are even “programmed” by their evolutionary biology to become addicted. This might have the effect of liberating the porn user from the crippling type of shame that causes resignation, hopelessness and therefore, resistance to ever seeking treatment.

The Porn Myth: How Porn Turns Men Off the Real Thing (by Naomi Wolf)

How Pornography Destroys Lives (by Pamela Paul)

Whatever Controls Your Attention Controls You

How Porn Is Affecting the Libido of the American Male (by Davy Rothbart)

How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life and Your Marriage (by Gary Wilson & Marnia Robinson)
From a Human Sciences teacher and fully backed by empirical data/ research, this enlightening article explains in simple-enough terms WHY porn is so addictive and how it so stealthily undercuts primary pair-bonding. (Reading the Comment thread which follows includes many “extra” links to fascinating research and related articles. The Comment thread will show you just how passionately many male readers of this article defend their porn use.

— Lili

How to Spot a Narcissist (by Scott Barry Kaufman for Psychology Today)
“This great article is a must-read for anyone puzzled as to how they ended up with a sexual compulsive. While not all SACs are narcissists, so many are that we feel this article should be a mandatory PoSA read. As the article points out, narcissism is within everyone; it exists on a continuum. But it’s helpful to see roughly where on the continuum your partner (or ex) falls. From there, action can be taken to protect yourself, get out if that’s part of your plan, and protect yourself from a SAC in your future.
Many sections deal with the way the narcissist exploits the opposite sex for short-term sexual gain, and why. Towards the end of the piece, the caveat is made abundantly clear: you cannot change one of these people. They don’t want to change; they think they’re ahead of the curve.
You can save yourself a lot of money in therapy bills, heartache and precious time gleaning that truth from the article.”
— Lili

Lili’s published articles
As somewhat of a cultural/social anthropologist, I write in response to what I observe. These articles I’ve written are all somewhat related to the proliferation of hypersexuality in the culture. In addition to being a published writer at The Good Men Project, I’ve also written for Ms. Magazine and Feministing.
Please enjoy my work:

Scott Allen’s published articles:
Our very own Scott Allen, co-creator of our Posarc website section Help for a Sex Addict/Compulsive, writes beautifully on his own recovery.

  • My Boy Brain on Porn: How Fantasy Can Affect Intimacy
    Here, Scott writes about his early TV watching habits, how those preferences morphed into pornogprahy use and how that affected his capacity for itimacy later on.
  • Cross Wired
    Scott writes about how our entertainments, especially the digital ones, are rewiring our brains, often unwittingly.
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