Do you feel like you’re going insane in trying to comprehend the behaviors of your spouse or partner, who may be showing signs of being a sex addict/compulsive?
Is your partner attempting to deceive you, or minimizing their own behaviors? And if you bring their attention to this, would they blame you or others, trying to escape the responsibility for their own actions?
The deception, justification, minimization and utter lack of empathy of a sex addict/compulsive (SAC) can greatly increase our sense of betrayal, causing us to shut down, isolate and fall into paralyzing pain, often with many unanswered questions, such as:
- How could he have done this to me?
- Did he ever really love me or has our whole relationship been a lie?
- Will this pain and anger ever go away?
- What have I done wrong?
- What can I do to change this situation?
Alternately, perhaps your SAC has already been through some recovery or treatment. Perhaps a therapist is pathologizing you as a co-addict or codependent, insisting that YOU need to go to your own 12-step meeting and “stay on your side of the street”!
Maybe your SAC is hiding behind his recovery group or sponsor, claiming he can’t do recovery if you are intruding into his process? Maybe you are hearing him say he doesn’t have to share information with you as long as he’s honest with his sponsor, therapist or support group?
How do you find a balance that beneficially supports the both of you? Is there a way to build a bridge back to each other after suffering the devastation that sex addiction can bring into a relationship?
We’ve been there, too. We thought that if we could stay busy enough, or numb ourselves enough, eventually we’d wake up and this nightmare would be over. And sadly, we also believed that simply telling our partner about the pain we feel would be powerful enough to affect and stop their behaviors. We discovered that this was not true and we felt bereft and hopeless. Till we did our research, spent many thousands on books, seminars, therapies, Intensives and rehab centers, and found….
There are proven pathways through this darkness. While traditional psychotherapy is often recommended, we have learned that Recovery Coaching from someone who has already personally experienced that trauma themselves can also be enormously effective in targeting the kind of help you need right now:
- for validating your experiences and feelings about the betrayals;
- for educating yourself about sex addiction;
- to guide you gently through the initial phases of stabilization from discovery trauma;
- to restore you to a sense of stability and well-being;
- to help you understand the often tricky terrain of the old-school recovery models and towards the newer, emergent models of recovery and how to discern the right fit for you and your coupleship;
- to be your Advocate for the formal Disclosure process.
Most of all, we teach you your rights to be an equal and active participant in the healing of your own relationship, not just an accessory to the addict’s solo recovery.
We have been through this personally and we continually learn from other professionals in the field. We have worked with hundreds of other partners to guide them towards healing. We can help you to create a personalized map of the territory ahead, to guide you towards your own healing. We will share our understanding, empathy and knowledge of sex addiction with you in a supportive and safe manner.
We also have resources for the SAC in your life when they are ready to explore the possibilities of healing their own compulsive behaviors.
There are two things you can be assured of in this time of uncertainty: that there is a way through this—and that you do not have to do this alone!Give yourself the gift of being companioned through this difficult time with a PoSA Coach already well familiar with the challenges sexual compulsion ushers in.
Read Lili’s bio to learn about how she and PoSARC stand ready to help you.
Take our hand and let us guide you to the hope and healing we have found.
Schedule a Coaching Session