Preamble
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PoSA is a participation circle as we address our common condition— trauma survivors of another’s sex addiction/compulsivity. We subscribe to the trauma model (as opposed to the codependency/co-addiction model) of being a spouse/partner of a sex addict/compulsive (SAC). The only requirement for attending is to have been affected by a loved one’s sexual addiction/compulsivity. Our primary purpose is to identify and release ourselves from trauma reactions—and to help others whose lives have been similarly affected. By addressing our own situations, we find a new inner peace and live into fuller lives.
Sharing
Our circle is based upon respect, mutual support, safety and sharing. If you need more of the group’s time than seems your portion, please state that upon introducing yourself and we will make every attempt to support you. If you choose to remain silent today, we will respect your wishes with silent support.
During the meeting we strive to include all, please be mindful of the length of your shares. One person speaks at a time, with no interruptions. We do not have rigid crosstalk rules, however, if you want to address another member’s share, you must first ask for and receive agreement from that person. Every share is to be respected and honored as important. All issues member-to-member are learning issues for all, we handle them with compassion and respect.
We strive to speak of rather than from our relational trauma reactions, without denial or dissociation. This may not be clear at first, we hope to model that for you. Ask a member if you do not understand. This is where our self-esteem, strength, truth and magnificence resides.
We stress and explore feelings—not circumstances or solutions. One of the many paradoxes of trauma recovery is that by identifying and deeply exploring feelings—we actually change our situations. Our long-avoided painful feelings are present now for healing. Let us join together for support and healing.
By becoming emotionally aware and mature, we experience and receive graces that we have not experienced previously.
We offer a list of feelings for you to contemplate and keep.
We welcome all that you are and have experienced. Your contributions are invaluable to our circle.
Meeting Opening
We welcome you to our PoSA meeting and extend to you our support and friendship. PoSA is a healing circle for our own traumas related to another’s sexual addiction/compulsivity. Our meeting is 90 minutes.
PoSA is a program for spiritual and emotional development, no matter if members have specific religious beliefs or none at all.
Interpersonal Relational Trauma: (IRT) is the exploitation of one person by another in a marital/primary relationship through abuse, betrayal, addiction/compulsion, deception, violence, rape, abandonment and/or neglect that affects the victim traumatically. There are many kinds of trauma a person can experience, yet, IRT is about marriages or primary adult/adult relationships. Addiction/compulsivity is a profound relational betrayal because the addict/compulsive’s primary loyalty is to his addiction/compulsion; his primary relationship is with his addiction/compulsion and the acting out behaviors of sex addiction/compulsion further traumatize us, the spouses/partners.
Trauma reactions may have left us in despair: our self-esteem, boundaries and values are seriously violated. Our mental, spiritual, psychological and/or physical health may be compromised. In the trauma, our identities are lost. We in PoSA are reaching out for help.
There is hope in PoSA as we gather with others who share our stories.
PoSA values each member as an equal circle member. No one is a leader, although more experienced members can be of great help to newer members.
When you join our PoSA circle you are no longer alone, but among true friends who understand your pain as few others could. We are a multi-modality healing circle. That means we use reading material, art, music, poetry, dance, talk and other forms of communication as part of our healing.
We ask that the shares you hear are kept confidential before we read our circle guidelines.
Is confidentiality agreed by all?