{"id":574,"date":"2022-10-07T15:31:26","date_gmt":"2022-10-07T15:31:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/?p=574"},"modified":"2022-10-07T15:59:15","modified_gmt":"2022-10-07T15:59:15","slug":"when-the-holidays-are-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/","title":{"rendered":"When the Holidays are Hard"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t

Losing a marriage or long-term relationship (or even contemplating the loss of the union we thought <\/i>we were in) is always difficult, but the holidays can make it feel even more so. Gathering around a candle-lit dinner table to partake of a specially-cooked meal, watching excited youngsters open their gifts, hearing holiday music, seeing festive decorations everywhere, all of it can underscore exactly how different this year will be from years past. Dread can seep in just thinking about how much it’s all going to hurt if we’re having a difficult time this season.<\/p>

Cognitively, we understand that our grief is a natural by-product of the losses in our lives. We do better when we remind ourselves that it\u2019s okay to let<\/em> ourselves grieve, itself no small achievement in a culture that would have us fast-track any but the more Hallmark-y, positive feelings. We work hard to try and stay present to ourselves. But…<\/p>

Then we open Facebook. Or Instagram. All those carefully staged photos of perfectly (filtered) beautiful families celebrating in picture-perfect homes. All those elegantly adorned Christmas trees standing watch over glorious marble hearths all aglow with a blazing fire inside. Pine garlands everywhere. All those perfect couples clinking glasses of wine or champagne, toasting to another special year together.
It\u2019s hard not to compare what\u2019s going on there <\/em>to what\u2019s going on inside our seemingly small, mundane, black and white worlds; even when we know those photos are all staged and contrived, it\u2019s the nature of social media to incite comparisons and even envy.\u00a0<\/p>

If we\u2019re in pain when everyone and everything else looks like \u201cit\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year!\u201d, what if we just started accepting that yes, this holiday season will <\/em>be different from the ones in the past?
It just will, especially if this is the first December we\u2019re all alone, or the kids aren\u2019t around to celebrate with us, or our cheater ex just got engaged to his new sweetie, or if a parent has passed away this year, all compounding the losses. Yes, it\u2019s likely to be tough going. However: we also have to remember that this, too, shall pass<\/em><\/strong>. Of course that\u2019s a cliche, but it\u2019s only a cliche because there\u2019s a lot of truth to it. This hardship will pass given some time and by surrounding ourselves with tenderness and a caring friend or two.<\/p>

Gradually we\u2019ll emerge out of the raw, stinging pain and notice that our hearts hurt just a little bit less. It does take time, usually longer than we\u2019d like, but it does come about eventually.<\/p>

What if we just let ourselves be <\/em>with whatever is true for us right now? What if we gave ourselves all the time in the world to start trusting that even when it doesn\u2019t look or feel like it, we are already in the process of healing. We are.<\/em>
If you don\u2019t have faith that this is true, let us hold that possibility open for you.<\/p>

And for some, conversely, this might be the first holiday season where we\u2019ve felt a new freedom, the unburdening of having to pretend all was well in the home when we knew it truly wasn\u2019t. The freed-up time and expenses from not having to go to couples therapy doing all the heavy lifting, while he spent his energy manipulating the therapist in sessions. The freedom from worrying about whether, while you were out shopping with the kids, he was enjoying himself in front of his computer. And maybe you just feel blessed, finally, for having gotten away from the chaos and drama that was always swirling around your sexual deceptive.
Whatever form the feeling of different but in a good or bad way <\/em>takes, we\u2019d love to know about it.<\/p>

So, how are\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0feeling this season? If you\u2019d like to share your experience of the holidays in the\u00a0comments\u00a0below, you may help someone else who is feeling lonely, sad or just different in a way they can\u2019t quite pinpoint. And we would certainly love to hear from you, too.<\/p>

Many of us have already made the journey, we are here to help you through. If this season is tinged with sadness or grief, if you could use extra support to help you cope this holiday season, contact us<\/a>. We will be offering sessions throughout all the holidays, including Christmas Day.<\/p>

We would also like to thank all our readers for sending us their heartfelt comments and excellent questions via mail. Same goes for our rapidly growing community on Facebook<\/a>. Cassie gets all the credit for that.
Thank you to all who purchased our ebooks<\/a>, we hope they\u2019ve proven helpful and we always appreciate your feedback.
Trauma therapist Tania Rochelle<\/a> and ordained minister\/coach Diane Strickland\u2019s<\/a> insightful blog posts have contributed much to our Facebook page and guest blogger Susan Kay\u2019s star is rising here, as well. Our three tech-support men (Grant, Jeff and Shane) deserve our praise, too. We know we have a great team.<\/p>

Next week we\u2019ll have a new Survivor\u2019s Series<\/a> episode up here on the blog for you, and we think you\u2019ll resonate to a lot of what Amy (our gentle-natured, wise and articulate interviewee) shares with us about her experiences reclaiming her life after betrayal trauma.
We contemplated releasing that new episode today as part of this blog post, but we realize everyone is probably too busy with their holidays (or else, napping under their blankets). Either way, after the holidays, keep an eye out for that new episode. Better yet, Subscribe<\/a> so you don\u2019t miss it.<\/p>

THANK YOU to any and all who have sent in any donations for our work this past year! We are so appreciative.
If you\u2019d like to contribute<\/a> to our efforts to keep you inspired and focused on what matters most (you!) after being betrayed, to see what goodies we\u2019ve already got lined up for you in the New Year (including a brand new website) we are most grateful- here\u2019s<\/a> where you can do that before the year is out.<\/p>

Many blessings for a peaceful and serene holiday season to each one of you! ~ Lili & Cassie<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Losing a marriage or long-term relationship (or even contemplating the loss of the union we thought we were in) is always difficult, but the holidays can make it feel even more so. Gathering around a candle-lit dinner table to partake of a specially-cooked meal, watching excited youngsters open their gifts, hearing holiday music, seeing festive […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[49],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-574","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhen the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Losing a marriage or long-term relationship (or even contemplating the loss of the union we thought we were in) is always difficult, but the holidays can make it feel even more so. Gathering around a candle-lit dinner table to partake of a specially-cooked meal, watching excited youngsters open their gifts, hearing holiday music, seeing festive […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Posarc Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Lili Bee\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Lili Bee\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Lili Bee\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600\"},\"headline\":\"When the Holidays are Hard\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":1064,\"commentCount\":0,\"articleSection\":[\"General\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/\",\"name\":\"When the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/2022\\\/10\\\/07\\\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"When the Holidays are Hard\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/\",\"name\":\"Posarc Blog\",\"description\":\"My WordPress Blog\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600\",\"name\":\"Lili Bee\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/secure.gravatar.com\\\/avatar\\\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Lili Bee\"},\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/posarc.com\\\/stage-wp\\\/author\\\/lilib4121\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"When the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"When the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog","og_description":"Losing a marriage or long-term relationship (or even contemplating the loss of the union we thought we were in) is always difficult, but the holidays can make it feel even more so. Gathering around a candle-lit dinner table to partake of a specially-cooked meal, watching excited youngsters open their gifts, hearing holiday music, seeing festive […]","og_url":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/","og_site_name":"Posarc Blog","article_published_time":"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00","article_modified_time":"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00","author":"Lili Bee","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Lili Bee","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/"},"author":{"name":"Lili Bee","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/#\/schema\/person\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600"},"headline":"When the Holidays are Hard","datePublished":"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00","dateModified":"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/"},"wordCount":1064,"commentCount":0,"articleSection":["General"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/","url":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/","name":"When the Holidays are Hard - Posarc Blog","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/#website"},"datePublished":"2022-10-07T15:31:26+00:00","dateModified":"2022-10-07T15:59:15+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/#\/schema\/person\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/2022\/10\/07\/when-the-holidays-are-hard\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"When the Holidays are Hard"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/#website","url":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/","name":"Posarc Blog","description":"My WordPress Blog","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/#\/schema\/person\/35d09738a4c0c21527710346b5de4600","name":"Lili Bee","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/7f934ba848eb76957fcf6fd030abe27be3f584ac68d69da2078c6440bf00f4cb?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Lili Bee"},"url":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/author\/lilib4121\/"}]}},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false,"thumbnail":false,"medium":false,"medium_large":false,"large":false,"1536x1536":false,"2048x2048":false,"mailpoet_newsletter_max":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Lili Bee","author_link":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/author\/lilib4121\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Losing a marriage or long-term relationship (or even contemplating the loss of the union we thought we were in) is always difficult, but the holidays can make it feel even more so. Gathering around a candle-lit dinner table to partake of a specially-cooked meal, watching excited youngsters open their gifts, hearing holiday music, seeing festive…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=574"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":587,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/574\/revisions\/587"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=574"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=574"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/posarc.com\/stage-wp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=574"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}