Over the past many years, we have learned so much about what feeds chronic infidelity (and often keeps it change-resistant) from disciplines and modalities besides psychology and addictionology, though psychology has certainly been instrumental to our understanding. Still, it's not the only frame to consider, by any means.
What has interested us the most here has been adding the vectors of sociology and feminism in our quest to understand the context that infidelity behaviors occur in.
After all, behaviors don't happen in a vacuum, nor are family of origin issues and earlier traumas the only variables that impact the development and trajectory of repetitive behaviors once they form. By repetitive behaviors, we refer to the lies and manipulation tactics Betraying Partners use as much as the infidelity behaviors themselves as each reinforces the other.
Every behavior a Betraying Partner engages in also happens within the context of the culture he is part of; he does not act entirely independently any more than women who follow societal scripts written for them, do. That's not said to excuse personal responsibility for behaviors. However, since the recovery statistics are so dismal for all addictions, we need to start educating ourselves about what else may be at work in keeping men so entrenched in their infidelity behaviors….and our culture's influence certainly needs inclusion in this discussion.
Both sociology and feminism, but especially the latter, can greatly inform, expand, and even course-correct the often overly-patriarchal lens of psychology employed by many authors and therapists in the field of "addiction recovery and infidelity reconciliation". We'll explore this perspective more in the next few blog posts, so stay tuned.
To help our readers expand how we can collectively think about pornography use in our mates, this time through a feminist-informed perspective, we share with you an important article from Canada's largest feminist website. We can find solidarity with a young graduate student who is heartbroken to learn that her fiancee not only uses pornography but defends his use. Sound familiar?
The writer eschews the "addiction" lens, however, in favor of keeping her focus on the ethics around pornography use. We agree that so often the dialogue around pornography use, whether it is used compulsively or not, largely ignores the central issue of misogyny. And since the psychological models predominantly used in therapy and treatment sessions with " sex addicts" dismiss the issue of misogyny as irrelevant to "treatment" when working with Betraying Partners and/ or their mates, we at PoSARC welcome the feminist perspective to help add some illumination to this overlooked aspect.
Keep in mind as you read it, that the article we are linking to references research demonstrating how 90% of contemporary pornography is based on violence towards women.
This means men calling the women in pornography by derogatory names, pulling their hair, spitting on them, slapping them, and engaging in body-punishing sexual acts depicted in the most-oft watched pornography titles. 90% is a shockingly-high statistic and it's time to get real about what exactly the majority of pornography conveys to the men who seek it out (and this applies to our young sons, as well, who are getting their sex education through pornography sites).
This article we link to mentions the title of a particular pornography film that may be triggering, so if that may be an issue for you, you may want to skip this post.
I Chose Radical Feminism Over My Porn-Using Boyfriend and Got My Humanity Back (by Rose Meltzer)
http://www.feministcurrent.com/2016/09/08/radical-feminism-porn-user-humanity/
We'd love to hear your thoughts and reactions to this powerful piece, so please do share with us in the COMMENTS section below.
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