POSA™ Blog

 Hi Friends and Colleagues - 

Are the behavioral patterns we see in chronic betrayers attributable to addiction and nothing else? When colleagues gather here, we often find ourselves wondering whether the term "addiction" is even an accurate one, and/or what else might be going on?

Certainly in the early days right after Discovery, we partners just needed the lying and cheating to stop and complicated-sounding diagnostic terms just addled our trauma-stunned brains further. "Just fix him!", we pleaded, and sure enough, there was a vast array of addiction counselors/therapists claiming the men to be "very sick sex addicts". 

- by Elisabeth Crago 

The day my marriage turned upside down I tried to put it upright.

As 2017 draws to a close, we thought we'd share our list of the year's more uplifting highlights with our readers. Enjoy...

​As we enter our tenth year, PoSARC is now being read in over 120 countries with a growing subscription list of readers in many of them. We're beyond thrilled; we know we couldn't have gotten this far without the many emails that arrive here from our readers with their ideas, questions, newsworthy articles, their personal stories and updates, and their suggestions.

The many, varied challenges that partners of sexually deceptive men face are typically the focus of our blogposts. But today we expand that focus to include a concern many of our partners express: the hideous fact that our children are being affected by the prevalence of pornography everywhere they turn, often despite our best efforts.

This tasks already infidelity-traumatized partners with a sizable burden: speaking with their children before the damaging exposure inevitably begins. 

To help give voice to the difficult feelings this can bring up for partners, we wanted to share an article that is not the usual how-to; rather, it is a stirring expression of a mother's care for her young son, her frustration at the culture we live in that turns a blind eye to pornography, and ultimately, it is a rousing call to action. Jill, who authored the piece, generously provided some of the original content for PoSARC almost a decade ago. Here, Jill articulates her heartbreak with her usual intelligence, wry humor and the awesome feistiness for which she's known. 

Announcing new, peer-led Ex-POSA Support Groups!

A few weeks ago in The New York Times, reviewer Meghan Daum writes up a new book dealing with infidelity discovered by a trusting wife (author Jen Waite) and the fall-out from that, as well as the steps out of her private hell with her chronic cheater. From the New York Times review of A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal:

​​By Lili Bee & Cassie Kingan​

Not a week goes by when a partner doesn't e-mail us with requests that we start either a Facebook page that's private, or else create a Forum where members can share their experiences of betrayal trauma with one another. We get asked to begin (or approve of) online PoSA meetings so geographical distances no longer stop PoSAs from meeting and supporting one another. We very well understand the allure and need for that.

While there are other reasons we wholeheartedely recommend PoSAs meet in person rather than online, the single biggest deterrent to us setting up such arrangements is that it becomes very difficult to stay ahead of techology in such a way that members would always be guaranteed their anonymity will be preserved. One only need to see the News and look at the data leaks occurring with increasing frequency across many major networks.

And then, there are the internal "leaks"...