Bio of Lili Bee

About Lili Bee's Work

After the 9/11 attacks, Lili worked for many months directly with the New York Police Department and New York City firemen, deeply traumatized first responders involved in the rescue efforts.

This cathartic experience of working one on one with those going through the grief of profound loss and broken-heartedness inspired her to take on more professional trainings so she could continue her work with others going through crisis, even after the 9/11 catastrophe ended.

Six years later she graduated from an accredited New York Interfaith Seminary and entered post-Ordination training in Spiritual Counseling. She feels blessed to have studied Grief Counseling with a very gifted Dean there. When she was honored with the Seminary's invitation to become a Dean's Assistant there, she gratefully accepted. In that role, she mentored a Seminary student who also happened to be a therapist, helping her integrate her new learnings with the Restorative Justice work she was doing in the prison system. Learning how Restorative Justice works helped shape Lili's understanding of how genuine remorse and making amends for damages caused can bring about healing for  the person or family injured by a perpetrator's crimes. This understanding helps influence her work with partners seeking reparation in their infidelity-damaged partnerships.

Lili experienced the traumatic discovery of pornography addiction and other deceptive, sexually compulsive behaviors in her own primary relationship many years ago, and through her training in Spiritual Counseling she developed a deep understanding of not only her own long-term healing, but for how to embrace others' suffering from the same painful circumstances. She discovered that chronic betrayals in one's primary relationship and the deceptive, manipulative behaviors employed as cover-ups can elicit a spiritual or existential emergency in the partner, pitching her into a fragmented sense of her own lived reality.

In her own words: “By integrating my own experience, helping others through theirs, plus all my research, I hope to guide those who are suffering the effects of being partnered with a sexually deceptive mate into a healing experience. For myself, I can say that though the Discovery phase and the difficult years which followed it were the most painful of my life, I was also blessed with great healing and growth on this journey. It is this which I hope to share.”

Lili  has also completed a Jungian analysis that spanned fifteen years and another fourteen years (and still ongoing) in eclectic other therapies—from Cognitive to Somatic Experiencing-based psychotherapy and others in between. She considers herself a lifelong student of depth psychology, personality disorders, ethics, addictions, social justice and feminism (the radical notion that women are full human beings with the same rights as any other human being).

She collaborates on work with Dr. Omar Minwalla, founder of The Institute for Sexual Health, Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep's Clothing- Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, Character Disturbance, and How Did We End Up Here?-Surviving and Thriving in a Character-Disordered World.

Lili was certified as a Life Coach with an additional niche specialization in Addictions through the prestigious ICF, the International Coaching Federation.

She is certified as a Partner's Coach through APSATS*, Dr. Barbara Steffens' professional certification organization dedicated to teaching those in the mental health and healing professions how to implement the Trauma Model
(which Dr. Steffens co-pioneered) with partners of sexual compulsives.

Learning the partner-sensitive Trauma model directly from Dr. Steffens formalized what Lili has known through her many years of working with partners: that trauma doesn't just occur with the discovery of chronic infidelity, trauma also occurs with treatment that can pathologize a partner as being codependent, rather than seeing them as traumatized from learning they are in relationship with a someone who has chronically and deceptively betrayed them.
(*APSATS: Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists)

Lili is also a certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (SEP), Dr. Peter Levine's three-year professional training in trauma resolution work, a body/mind modality recommended for partners by Dr. Barbara Steffens, author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, and Dr. Sandra Lee Dennis, author of Love and the Mystery of Betrayal.

Sharing trauma resolution skills, and bringing encouragement, gentleness and caring to the acknowledgment of partners multidimensional betrayal wounds, her compassionate work with partners uses a trauma-informed holistic approach aimed at gently helping her clients heal despite the chaos of their partner's behaviors.

Lili inspires partners' own innate capacity for healing the wounds of chronic infidelity, partnering with her clients to create a roadmap leading them back to who they were before relational trauma robbed them of their innate wholeness. Together, they create the safe space to house and nurture the partner's newly emerging self-they-are-becoming.

Lili shares: "The ways I work are richly informed by the unfolding of my own journey as it continues, by a spiritual consciousness that understands that everything that happens to us also contains the seeds of healing within it. The grief, pain and rage that infidelity invokes has the power to destroy us, or it can impel us to dig deeper than we ever have before to find healing for ourselves, if not for our relationship.

My work is also informed by a feminist consciousness that commits to seeing the issues in our relational lives against the backdrop of being raised in a culture that devalues not only women but the loyalty, empathy and caring that are interwoven in the feminine nature.

I see the proliferation of commodified sexuality as part of the tyrannical cultural trance of youth-as-beauty.....beauty as something/someone Betraying Partners appropriate for themselves as an external source of validation (even if they are in a committed relationship) and....that sex thus appropriated is seen as the ultimate reward by the narcissistically-entitled man.

Recognizing the way these broader cultural influences impact our personal relationships helps us to redistribute the responsibility of who and what needs to ultimately heal.       

Partners are then energetically freer to stay in their own healing vortex long enough to allow the restoration of their own innate self-worth, feminine beauty and dignity while we see if their mates can rise to meet them on the higher ground of sanctified love-with-sexuality.

This is as much a heroine's journey for us as women to undertake as it is an invitation for men to outgrow the childlike insistence on unilaterally advantageous relationships, taking on the challenge of growing emotionally with all the risks and benefits that entails."

For those who'd like the company of a partner's consultant, spiritual counselor, guide, minister, mentor, ally or partner's coach as they walk the path of their own healing journey, please visit the FAQ page or send an e-mail to mailposarc@gmail.com with your scheduling preferences and time zone to book an hour of time together.