About this eBook Series

We all know the behaviors that brought us to this page: a man using porn, lying, cheating, and more lying. Some of his behaviors are/were beyond demeaning and cruel. He probably blamed you or someone else in some way for his actions after he was unable to lie about them any longer. We know.

We were there ourselves. Over the last ten years or so, we have worked intimately with hundreds of women in similar positions. We read everything available on these and related topics, we sought out experts of many sorts to parse out this phenomenon, this thing that we went through. We have discussed and written on the topics at length. And we found one of the biggest problems is that “it” is mislabeled.

Some call this cluster of behaviors “sex addiction.” That may be a convenient sound bite to describe his behaviors, and it certainly advantages the highly lucrative “sex addiction” recovery industry, but it also masks darker aspects of the phenomenon that need to be discussed, not shunted aside for a catchy label. Some mislabeling is innocuous. It probably will not matter much to your soup if the oregano is mislabeled as marjoram. The soup with marjoram instead of oregano will still be yummy and nourishing. But we believe mislabeling this cluster of behaviors as “sex addiction” is not at all innocuous. We have observed that it can be downright dangerous to women.

We love success stories as much as everyone else. However, the very few “success stories” we hear about men changing, are greatly outweighed by the abundance of stories from our clients about narcissistic men who also happen to cheat and lie frequently (aka “sex addicts”) that we hear here about everyday, through our website, blog and in our consulting sessions. If it appeared to us that addiction treatment was actually effective in treating this phenomenon, we might not have written these books, we might still question the notion that “sex addiction” was a real diagnosis and defer to a treatment that seemed to be effective. But that is not what we have seen.

And no treatment providers track “recovery” after their clients leave therapy or treatment. Neither are there long-term, peer-reviewed results on the efficacy of “sex addiction” treatment, even after more than 35 years since the term was coined. What if the diagnosis is wrong to begin with? Perhaps that explains the poor outcomes we have witnessed over the years? We do not believe the dismal “recovery” results we have seen over these many years are worth the risk to women's emotional stability, sanity, physical health or her finances, to say nothing of the effects on her children. So what are we offering instead?

By sidestepping the “sex addiction” industry, much of which we found inherently misogynistic, we were able to broaden our search and find answers that made sense when researching chronic cheating, male entitlement and abuse, narcissism and other personality disorders. Immediately, the puzzle pieces started to fall into place; we were much better able to find genuine insights and thus, solutions for ourselves.

In our e-books, we include broader psychology and sociology. Yet, we urge you to avoid our books if you are seeking “sex addiction”-type answers for your intense pain and difficulties. Those formulaic responses do not exist in the pages of these ebooks. If you honestly believe that his cluster of behaviors is “sex addiction,” by all means, go seek answers for yourself elsewhere as we do not offer refunds. But if you doubt that “sex addiction” is a suitable diagnosis and/or if you doubt that the “sex addiction” industry can provide answers, a cure or even adequate relief, we might have something of immense value for you.

Because you cannot heal what you cannot name, when we see cheating and chronic manipulations/chaos to deceive a partner as psychological abuse; we call it abuse—because it is abuse—not a “symptom of addiction” or a “slip” or a “relapse.” We teach you how to identify the various levels of trauma and abuse that betrayals, deception and chaos-manufacturing bring, so you can protect yourself, regardless of whether you intend to stay or go. From there, we share the steps we recommend that allow you to actually heal. That is partner-sensitive.

Our ebooks educate on how to de-activate strategies that do not work, even those extolled by recovery therapists. We give you access to the insights that ended up setting us free from a life sentence of:
• Being forced into being the one-woman Marriage and Fidelity Police
• Constantly needing to create and enforce boundaries/consequences
• Endlessly motivating/coaching him towards integrity as if he were a child, not a man
• Paying out ungodly sums to “sex addiction specialists” to bolster his “recovery” after every lie/slip/relapse
• Ongoing, expensive polygraphs just to determine whether he is still lying, even years after Discovery

Instead, when we discovered a new way to identify what was really motivating the sexual deception in ours and our clients' relationships, everything shifted. Clarity started replacing fear and the endless waiting for things to get better. Watching him take one step forward and three back, no longer derailed us once we accurately framed what was going on.

These books are written by women, for women. These books are written from a feminist perspective, informed by our conviction that women have full rights to timely information and partner-centric strategies—with or without a therapist—when they find out they have been cheated on and deceived. We genuinely want the best for women. Telling women the truth about what we have learned, experienced, heard from thousands of other women and studied is our commitment to you, the reader.

Is there any hope for your infidelity-scarred relationship? We offer a qualified ‘maybe,’ if he takes the partner-centric steps we outline…

The five-ebook series begin with the discovery that he has betrayed you and follows in roughly a chronological succession: Discovery, Hidden Sexual Behaviors, Boundaries, Recovery From Infidelity and, finally, The Betrayer’s Obligations. They can be purchased separately or together, although we highly recommend starting with eBook One even if you are well past Discovery. Ebook One is foundational and helps you understand our approach and then put the information in the rest of our eBook series into context.

Additionally, we offer an ebook by Cassie Kingan: Sexual Betrayal, Disclosing Truth: When & How to Talk to Your Children.

Without relying on case studies as filler, our ebooks demonstrate why and how—once partners can conceptualize their mates' deceptive sexual behaviors as narcissistic and covertly or overtly abusive— partners' confusion will lift. She will start to see her next steps more clearly.

We continue to see the biggest increase in partners’ growth and awareness occur when they learn this new way of perceiving their painful relationships with sexually deceptive men. Even if they have already moved on, this lens acknowledges what was actually responsible for their mates' crazy-making, and helps partners understand the loyalty bonds at work in their own difficulties unhooking from the “hopium” that kept them hanging on, despite continually getting hurt.

It's hard to convey how powerful it is when a woman steps off this hellish roller-coaster, when she comes to realize she's not crazy, impatient, unkind or controlling. This is no small feat given the non-stop gaslighting that chronic cheaters engage in to ensure their partners do feel responsible for their overwhelming, intense, negative emotions.

With a more accurate and expansive information set, women become more confident because they now have a map of the actual territory they were in the whole time, but weren't able to recognize, looking through the wrong lens, the lens of “he didn't know what he was doing, he was hijacked by his addiction,” which is a dangerous theory for women to either believe or adopt, as she must set aside her protective discernment and leave herself open to additional predation to adopt that mindset. We propose that women sharpen their discernment and stay safe from abuses of all sorts. Our eBooks are aimed at teaching exactly that.

In truth and sisterhood,
Team PoSARC