FAQ's

 

What if I already have a therapist I am working with? What's the difference between my therapy and what your private session work offers?

We love when our private clients are also working with a therapist as it provides them with ongoing local support. At PoSARC, we provide help for issues related to betrayal trauma, which is a specialization we have trained for and have personal experience with. You may find a consultation hour or session with us helpful as an adjunct to your therapy. We believe no one person can have all the pieces to healing this complex puzzle called betrayal trauma. We are happy to provide answers to the questions you may have and to guide you in ways that are highly specific to our training and experience, and which some therapists may be unfamiliar with:

• chronic infidelity and the deceptive behaviors that support it
• compulsive sexual behaviors
• help with body image/self-esteem issues for partners damaged by infidelity
• learning how to set and enforce boundaries
• best tools and practices for healing betrayal trauma
• help identifying whether a therapist or treatment center/program/Intensive is truly using the partner trauma model
• best communication techniques when dealing with a mate who has been deceptive
• helping you deal with the painful rejection of "intimacy/sexual anorexia"
• teaching you how to deal with and avoid intimate partner abuse
• how to steer clear of another abusive relationship when you are ready to date again
• whatever else you may be curious to learn more about!

 

What's the difference between therapy and coaching or consulting?

Generally speaking, therapists are trained to work with family of origin patterns and issues stemming from the past, as well as present issues. If you have long-standing patterns of attracting and/or staying in abusive relationships or are experiencing mental health issues we would encourage you to seek out a qualified therapist.

Coaches and consultants are trained to work with current issues and how they are affecting you now, helping to educate you about intimate partner abuse and helping you to explore your options, as well as supporting you in making positive changes going forward. They can also help you stay objective and realistic about your expectations for change in your relationship, based on their years working in this field and the behavioral patterns that are common. What they are not trained to help you do is process through any unresolved issues from your family of origin.
Both coaches, consultants and therapists may also bring many other modalities into their approach to working with partners.

Our bios will let you know more about the various approaches that inform our work, though each session is as unique as each client is.

 

How long are sessions and do I have to commit to a set number of sessions?

Sessions are one hour long but you may decide you'd like to book a double session if you feel you have a lot you need to share or get help with. You can see our availability and schedule your session here. At PoSARC, we don't dictate how many sessions we expect you to have here. To the contrary, our work is centered on nurturing your own ability to trust what is right for you. We encourage you to listen to your own needs or desire for whatever you feel you need to get clarity and understanding.

That might be accomplished in one session, it might be a weekend Intensive, it might be ongoing weekly session work for as long as you need support-- it is completely up to you (and our availability, of course).

 

Private Intensives

If you are interested in a private intensive tailored to your unique needs, please let us know via the Contact Us link and write "Private Intensive" in the subject line. With proper notice, we will put together 3-day intensives in NYC that include plenty of one-on-one time with us to help you stabilize and get stronger once again -plus- all the nurturing, empathy, compassion, and a la carte pampering you care to indulge in. To determine cost, multiply our hourly fee x up to six hours a day maximum and add travel expenses. Note: Air BnB can be a lower-cost alternative to traditional hotel stays.

 

What happens during a session?

You get to determine what you need. If you aren't sure, we can help you get clarity; trauma often blurs everything and we sometimes need help even determining where the pathway is. Some partners need help understanding their mate's behavior so they can make better choices. Others need answers to questions about the heartbreaking path they find themselves on. Perhaps they want to contemplate leaving but need help strategizing how to survive taking such a bold step, especially if their mate may be vindictive. Some partners have read about boundaries but are afraid of pushback if they implement them with their mates. We also work with partners who are interested in moving on but need help making sense of the lessons for them inside this painful journey, so they don't attract yet another emotionally abusive/sexually deceptive relationship. Some partners need help with intimacy after years of being withheld from. Many partners need someone to walk them through the incredible confusion of life with a sexual compulsive. And everyone needs empathy for finding themselves at such a painful place in their lives.

In other words.....wherever you are at is where we meet you. There are no formulas, workbooks or cookie-cutter approaches here; we use our professional expertise, our deep caring and our own intuition as we partner with you to help with whatever you most need.

 

Will you work with my significant other, too?

We consider our site and coaching to be here as YOUR advocate. Borrowing from the helpful analogy of needing to put on one’s own oxygen mask before attempting to help anyone else during a crisis, we are here to help you find your ground again, your safe centered place amidst the secretive sexual discoveries you have made about your mate. This grounding work leads to clarity, which you’ll need in order to make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Brain science demonstrates again and again that under extreme stress, the part of our brain that makes decisions (the prefrontal cortex) goes offline. We become reactive, stuck in hyperarousal from all the traumas of discovering our mate’s sexually deceptive secrets and we can’t help but make decisions from survival mode (Fight, Flight, Freeze).

If your mate decides he is willing to go for help, we can offer some recommendations after an initial consultation.

 

We live in Timbuktu! How would private sessions with you work long-distance?

Timbuktu is no problem for us. As long as you speak English, we work via videoconferencing (like Skype) across every time zone.

 

Do you accept insurance?

We offer consultations and coaching sessions which are not covered by insurance.

 

What if I can't afford private sessions but still need help?

If finances are currently too limited to allow you to work one-on-one with us but you need counseling, we would suggest you reach out to your local mental health center or clinic which will likely offer low or no cost therapy which can help you regain your stability once again.

If you are in the USA or Canada and are feeling overwhelmed, in need of speaking to someone immediately you might consider calling the Domestic Abuse Hotline which trains its volunteers to handle emotional abuse as well as physical abuse. They may direct you to local resources, if needed. Their number is:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

If you or your children are in physical danger, please immediately call 911

If you are feeling suicidal, call 911 or the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)