POSA™ Blog

Great happenings here at PoSARC that is sure to give POSAs a lift- one is the opportunity for partners to weigh in on a topic of great importance to most of us, and the second is the announcement of a new POSA meeting in Tennessee, a first for that state.
Let's look at the critical issue of intimacy deprivation/sexual anorexia first:

Have you ever felt like your voice as the POSA didn't matter much whenever research was done that created treatment protocols for the field of sex addiction? 

We're pleased to announce a new addition to our rapidly-growing list of in-person, free support group meetings. This one is being held in Charlotte, NC twice a month and already has eight members!

Thank you to the POSA who made all the arrangements for this meeting to happen and who will be leading it with the blessing of her therapist there.

Have you ever noticed how your powers of discernment have noticeably sharpened during this entire journey of being partnered with a sex addict/compulsive? Part of that comes from frequently having to figure out if you're being given the truth, weighing out what you're told against what you perceive.

While we are having to rely on our intuition over and over again while in relationship to a SAC (sex addict/compulsive), it might be worthwhile to learn some basic skills that can help us along the way.

In the TED Talk video below, fraud specialist Pamela Mayer encourages us to educate ourselves on how to detect a lie but then we're also admonished to "....go the extra mile from lie-spotting to truth-seeking....and ultimately to trust-building". I don't know a single POSA who wouldn't desire that exact trajectory. Cautiously, of course.

While men (and boys) are raised in a society, now a global society, thanks to the Internet, that not only accepts that they'll watch porn, but actually pushes it on them at every possible turn, superstar comedian Russell Brand came out speaking against it.

This is really important because Brand enjoys and benefits quite nicely from his bad-boy image and rock-star status out in the world, not just with girls and women but even amongst his huge "bro" following. To have taken the unnecessary (for him) and hugely unpopular position he took here, claiming that pornography harms us and makes him feel ashamed to use it for lots of reasons, was, plain and simple, an extremely brave move. I am very impressed.

Hello Dear Readers-

It's Tuesday in New York City and the mercury is headed back down towards the single digits again, so I thought that I'd share something warm, true and very precious that a dear friend in Germany sent me this morning. I think it's especially relevant for POSAs. It's worth passing along to anyone you know who needs a lift today, and to be reminded of some cardinal TRUTHS: 

Before I continue to post another installment of a popular feature about Lying and how to spot it, (look for it here this upcoming week) I wanted to announce another new Support Group for POSAs starting up next week in Shreveport, Louisiana.

I have full faith that this meeting will serve that community well because we've gotten a good deal of inquiry from partners in that area about when such a meeting might happen. Now, a woman who has strong organizational abilities and the desire to take on the leadership of a new meeting has approached us with the meeting details already set up and ready to go.

Congratulations to the Shreveport area for now being able to offer a safe space for sharing, support and kinship to partners in need!

For more information on this meeting, please e-mail: posa_shreveport@yahoo.com

One of the very many things my sex addict taught me in the years that followed Discovery was that there wasn't just oneflavor of lying, the necessary component that allows secretive behavior to flourish undetected- no, there was a sizable rainbow assortment I never even knew existed. Of course, this is hardly unique amongst sex addict/compulsives (SACs) in their dealings with their partners.

Over the years, I learned, as I'm sure a lot of readers here did, about the many nuances in all the different types of omissions, half-stories and complete fabrications, the gaslighting and the twists and turns involved in purposely manipulating another person's reality. I've read a lot of books on the character disturbed and their manipulative tactics (with lying being primary) but never imagined I'd actually enjoy reading anything on this onerous topic. Till now:

I am excited to extend an open-arms welcome to the two newest POSA Support Group meetings that have just become official …..in Cincinnati, Ohio and in West Sacramento, California!

I know that the partners of sex addicts in both Ohio and California worked diligently to get these meetings started and that both have the backing of some of their local area therapists to get the word out about these groups. It's an added bonus when therapists will help groups get publicized either by leaving a flyer in their waiting room or bulletin board, as well as informing any of their own clients for whom such a group may be appropriate.
I love hearing good collaboration success stories!