POSA™ Blog

I think it is courageous to produce a mainstream film about the recovery from sex addiction.

Recently, a recovery coaching client of mine asked me if I thought the movie Shame(2011)would be suitable to show her family and friends as a way of inviting them to understand the hell she has been living in, as the wife of an intransigent sex addict. I told her no, for many reasons that I won't go into here. But my client's question did get me thinking that there hasn't yet been a film that can elucidate what we go through as POSAs. This film, Thanks for Sharing, does express this perspective and yet, does not fit that bill all that well either. I'll explain:

On April 17th, 2012 Lili and Terre hosted a Facebook live stream event with our friends from PornHarms on the devastating effects of porn on the partner of the user.

We felt our community may like a replay of this event We hope you are inspired, and will share it
with those you know who may benefit from seeing it, and promote it to your support networks.

FROM DAILY INFOGRAPHIC

Online pornography is a multibillion dollar industry where every second over 3000 dollars are spent and almost 30,000 people are fapping. Those are astounding numbers and the profits of the pornographic firms only prove those points more.

Since I tend to bring you news from the real world that isn't always the most uplifting as POSAs are concerned, here's something inspirational to add to the PoSARC mix:

This is a powerful video presentation by Jackson Katz, PhD whom I've been a big fan of since watching him speak in the excellent DVD documentary, Pornography: The Price of Pleasure. Hearing a heterosexual, married-with-kids, man speak out so eloquently and fiercely against pornography and it's egregious effects on society, I was an instant fan of his. So I was particularly thrilled to be able to find this video.

 *Editors Note:

Dr Linda Hatch is a well respected authority in the field of Sex Addiction and Compulsion. In this post she addresses the issues surrounding addiction and infidelity. We at PoSARC feel it is important for Partners of addicts to confront, and understand the issues related to the Addiction / Compulsion, in order to best work towards a healthy and productive recovery for themselves.

In the strictest sense, the answer is no, not all sex addicts cheat. For example there is the addict whose sexually addictive behavior involves pornography and who doesn't have sex with anyone but their partner. And certainly there are many such sex addicts who lead the typical double life of the addict but who do not have sex with another person. There are also sex addicts for whom actual cheating is their preferred or only acting out behavior. They flirt, they hook up with people or they have "serial" affairs with various people outside their primary relationship. I have previously argued that not all cheaters are sex addicts and that sometimes a cheater is just a cheater.

For many addicts cheating is one of several sexually addictive behaviors

Published on Dec 2, 2012, this is a livestream event that broadcast at Pornharms. Dr. Linda Hatch, from sexaddictionscounseling.com gives an overview of what happens to relationships when sex addiction enters the picture and what goes on during treatment and the potential rebuilding of a relationship.

Here at PoSARC - Partners of Sex Addicts/Compulsives, we have been seeing lots of discussion surrounding Porn Blockers and software - based solutions to the problem of SA and SAC issues. Our jury is out on this, or rather...deliberating!

We do feel that manufacturers need to consider creating a designation other than a "kiddie, teenager or college-age" type of settings for blocking explicit material. We want adults to have input on their settings when they want to be on guard against porn themselves.

We have learned that MyPornBlocker.com and PageClean.com are two programs that don't infantilize the user with having to use kiddie settings when doing set-up on the system.
We have yet to road-test them or others to see what we think.

At the APSATS training for Partner-Sensitive Trauma Treatment (in sex addiction) recently in Dallas, which I was fortunate enough to be enrolled in, I was particularly struck by one of the Board member's presentations. Dan Drake, an articulate and well-informed therapist trained in sex addiction presented on the many ways partners are often psychologically manipulated by their sex-addicted significant other and the effects thereof. His presentation of this often misunderstood and even more often unaddressed aspect of the partner's experience left me feeling relieved that this information was finally out there.Plus, I was inspired that he was teaching a whole generation of other therapists from the partner-sensitive trauma model.

I am sharing a transcript of my interview with Dan in the hopes that you, our faithful readers, will know that there will soon be an end to the days when one cannot find treatment providers (coaches and therapists) who work from a partner-sensitive perspective. The days are soon coming when the term "co-addict" will be a relic of the past.