POSA™ Blog

"Melissa" wrote this short story as a gift for PoSARC readers so they wouldn't lose heart in this grueling process, especially if they are older and feel they are now truly stuck and without viable options. I know how very long this journey has been for her since D-Day (decades) and I bow to her tenacity to not give up on herself.

Melissa is a grandmother in her 60's and to me, she is a testament to the power of self-renewal. Most of all, I am inspired by her self-respect, a lesson we can all learn from no matter where in the process we find ourselves.

We are ALWAYS worth respecting, no matter who else is or isn't along for that journey.

Thank you for that reminder, Melissa!

What this woman writes here about how her husband preferred pornography to her is not extraordinary. In fact her letter is one that so many women, tragically, could write. I myself could write it, as could the majority of PoSARC's readers.

What's noteworthy, however, is that it ran last week in the world's second most popular English-language online newspaper. The Guardian has more readers than even The New York Times does!

PoSARC's inbox was full the past few days with e-mails coming in from readers wanting to share the news: the world's largest married cheaters website, Ashley Madison had been hacked by insiders who called themselves The Impact Team.

The hacking team gained access to almost 40 million website members' personal data, including their names, addresses, credit card numbers and even their sexual preferences, causing the site to immediately suspend operations as panic ensued.

Nothing makes me happier than learning that POSAs are creating grass-roots healing circles in their communities. What I know for sure is that for partners, the healing is accelerated through the sharing of our stories and that often, life-long friendships can grow out of these powerful gatherings. My own closest friend comes courtesy of having been a life-line to me during the early days post- D-Day.

One of the more fascinating ways synchronicity shows up in my life is that I might notice that a POSA will bring up a topic that particularly inspires me, grabs my attention. I might think about it later on that day and then sometimes within the next day or two, the very same theme will be brought up in a similar way by yet another Partner I speak with. Seems like a coincidence, right?

When that particular aspect or motif is raised by a different POSA a third time within a matter of days, I know there's a definite synchronicity happening, and I delight in knowing we are all connecting to something larger than us.

Great happenings here at PoSARC that is sure to give POSAs a lift- one is the opportunity for partners to weigh in on a topic of great importance to most of us, and the second is the announcement of a new POSA meeting in Tennessee, a first for that state.
Let's look at the critical issue of intimacy deprivation/sexual anorexia first:

Have you ever felt like your voice as the POSA didn't matter much whenever research was done that created treatment protocols for the field of sex addiction? 

We're pleased to announce a new addition to our rapidly-growing list of in-person, free support group meetings. This one is being held in Charlotte, NC twice a month and already has eight members!

Thank you to the POSA who made all the arrangements for this meeting to happen and who will be leading it with the blessing of her therapist there.

Have you ever noticed how your powers of discernment have noticeably sharpened during this entire journey of being partnered with a sex addict/compulsive? Part of that comes from frequently having to figure out if you're being given the truth, weighing out what you're told against what you perceive.

While we are having to rely on our intuition over and over again while in relationship to a SAC (sex addict/compulsive), it might be worthwhile to learn some basic skills that can help us along the way.

In the TED Talk video below, fraud specialist Pamela Mayer encourages us to educate ourselves on how to detect a lie but then we're also admonished to "....go the extra mile from lie-spotting to truth-seeking....and ultimately to trust-building". I don't know a single POSA who wouldn't desire that exact trajectory. Cautiously, of course.